Papal Subscription Box
Delivered by the Holy Post.
There are 1.4 billion Catholics in the world. That’s 1.4 billion Original Sinners who will pony up big bucks for POPE POST, a monthly Vatican-themed gift box blessed by the Supreme Pontiff himself.
POTENTIAL GOODIES INCLUDE:
pope-on-a-rope (soap shaped like His Holiness)
a rotating “Saint of the Month” trading card
sourdough starter (for sacramental bread)
mini bottle of holy water (airport security-friendly!)
Popetarts™ (each with a different Latin prayer written in icing)
free trial to Mark Wahlberg’s prayer app1
popemobile toy car
SPF 66 “sinscreen” (because damnation isn’t the only burn you need to worry about!)
Playing Cardinals (a poker-ready deck featuring 52 of the church’s top brass)
This product will launch as soon as the conclave ends, and we can convince the 267th Pope to turn idolatry into dollars.