Mission: Impossible Bingo
Your bingo board, should you choose to accept it...
DISCLAIMER
If you don’t love the Mission: Impossible movies, this post is not for you. Also, you need to get a life. Seriously, what is wrong with you? You probably hate Golden Retrievers, too. I feel bad for you.
Tom Cruise is an American treasure. His Mission: Impossible movies are glorious, start to finish. There’s just one problem: the stakes aren’t high enough. Sure, there’s drama on screen, but for us, the audience, we pretty much know what we’re gonna get: popcorn, jaw-dropping stunts, and a third-act twist that makes little-to-no sense.
What if Paramount found a way to raise the stakes? What if every movie-goer is handed a bingo card as they walk into the theater to see the “final” MI-film this weekend? They’d look something like this:
The first audience member in each theater to get Bingo goes home with a Tom Cruise Coconut Cake.1 Now that’s drama! That’s suspense! On the screen, and in the seats!
If you want to play Mission: Impossible Bingo with friends, here are four more bingo cards below. These are good for all 8 of the Tom Cruise pictures!2
if you get caught cheating, or prematurely yell “Bingo!” you will be forced to…
tour the Church of Scientology
travel to Dubai and reenact the Burj Khalifa climb sequence
watch Vanilla Sky in an empty room Clockwork Orange-style. twice.
if you see MI:8 in theaters and get Bingo, send me your filled out Bingo card and I will personally Venmo you $1